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Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Breaking Down Step 6 of the 12-Step Program: Becoming Ready to Let Go of Our Character Defects
Step 6 of the 12-step recovery program asks us to become “entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” This step is significant because it’s not just about identifying our flaws but truly opening ourselves up to change and growth. As a recovered addict, I know firsthand how challenging this step can be. It requires a deep level of honesty, humility, and faith, but the rewards are transformative. Let’s dive into what character defects are, some examples, and how we can prepare ourselves to let a higher power help us remove them.
What Are Character Defects?
Character defects are the patterns of behavior, thoughts, and attitudes that lead us away from living a healthy, spiritual, and meaningful life. These defects often stem from fear, insecurity, resentment, or self-centeredness, and they manifest in ways that harm our relationships with others and ourselves. Recognizing these defects is essential to recovery because they are often the root causes of our addictive behaviors.
10 Common Character Defects and Examples
- Pride: Feeling superior to others or refusing to admit mistakes. For example, believing you’re “better than” others because you’re further along in recovery.
- Selfishness: Putting your needs above everyone else’s. An example is prioritizing your desires without considering how it affects loved ones.
- Resentment: Holding grudges or harboring anger towards others. For instance, continually blaming a friend for a mistake they made years ago.
- Fear: Allowing worry or anxiety to control your decisions. For example, avoiding new opportunities because you fear failure.
- Dishonesty: Twisting the truth or lying to avoid discomfort. A common example is exaggerating a story to make yourself look better.
- Envy: Feeling discontented because of someone else’s success or happiness. For instance, resenting a coworker for getting a promotion you wanted.
- Laziness: Avoiding responsibility or effort. An example is neglecting to work on your recovery because it feels too hard.
- Impatience: Expecting results immediately and becoming frustrated when things take time. For example, getting angry when healing or forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight.
- Arrogance: Thinking you know better than everyone else. For instance, dismissing advice from your sponsor because you think you have all the answers.
- Judgmental Attitude: Criticizing others harshly. An example is looking down on someone struggling in their recovery instead of offering compassion.
How to Become Ready to Have God Remove These Defects
Becoming ready to let go of our character defects is a process that requires humility, willingness, and trust in a higher power. Here’s how you can approach it:
1. Practice Self-Honesty
The first step is to honestly admit these defects to yourself. Use your moral inventory from Step 4 as a guide. For example, if you notice a pattern of dishonesty, reflect on how it has harmed your relationships and your self-esteem. Acknowledge the harm these defects cause without blaming others or making excuses.
2. Embrace Humility
Humility means recognizing that you cannot overcome these defects on your own. For example, if pride has been a significant issue, humility involves admitting that your way of doing things hasn’t worked and that you need help from a higher power. It’s about surrendering control and trusting the process of recovery.
3. Ask for Willingness
If you’re not fully ready to let go of a defect, that’s okay. Pray for willingness and an open heart. For example, if you’re holding onto anger or resentment, ask your higher power to help soften your heart and guide you toward forgiveness. Willingness often comes when we take small, consistent steps toward change.
4. Visualize Your Life Without These Defects
Take time to imagine how your life would improve if these defects were removed. For instance, envision how much lighter and freer you’d feel without carrying the weight of resentment. This can motivate you to let go and embrace change.
5. Practice Patience and Faith
Removing character defects doesn’t happen overnight. Trust that your higher power is working on you even when you don’t see immediate results. For example, if you’re struggling with impatience, remind yourself that growth is a journey, not a destination.
6. Take Action
Being ready doesn’t mean passively waiting for change; it involves active participation in your recovery. For instance, if laziness is a defect, challenge yourself to take one small step daily toward a healthier routine, such as showing up for a meeting or reading recovery literature.
Final Thoughts
Step 6 is a powerful turning point in recovery. It’s not just about knowing our flaws but being willing to let them go and trusting a higher power to guide us toward becoming the person we were meant to be. By practicing honesty, humility, and willingness, and by actively engaging in our recovery, we can experience the freedom and peace that comes from shedding the weight of our character defects. Remember, you are not alone in this journey—lean on your higher power, your sponsor, and your community for strength and support.
How to Accept Your Past Wrongs and Embrace Recovery
As someone who has walked the difficult road of addiction and recovery, I understand just how hard it can be to face the mistakes we’ve made. The guilt, shame, and regret can feel paralyzing. But here’s something I’ve learned: acknowledging and accepting our past wrongs is crucial to moving forward. We can’t change the past, but we can grow from it. Below, I’ll share five detailed strategies to help you accept your past mistakes while becoming more self-aware on your recovery journey.
1. Acknowledge the Truth Without Excuses
One of the hardest steps is being honest with yourself about the harm you've caused—to others and to yourself. It's tempting to justify or downplay your actions, but real growth starts with owning up to the truth. Sit down with a journal or talk aloud to yourself in a private space and list the things you feel you’ve done wrong. Be specific but compassionate with yourself. Remember, acknowledging your wrongs isn’t about beating yourself up—it's about taking responsibility.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Accepting your mistakes doesn’t mean condemning yourself. Many of us in recovery struggle with self-hatred, but this mindset only keeps us stuck. Remind yourself that you’re human, and humans make mistakes. Think about the circumstances or pain that may have driven your actions. This doesn’t excuse the harm caused, but it helps you understand the "why" behind your behavior. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend who’s trying to make amends for their own past.
3. Work to Make Amends
One of the most powerful ways to accept your wrongs is to make amends where possible. Reach out to the people you’ve hurt—whether that’s through a conversation, a letter, or another meaningful gesture—and sincerely apologize. Be prepared to hear how your actions affected them and accept their feelings, even if it’s hard. Making amends is not always about receiving forgiveness but about taking responsibility and doing what you can to right the wrongs. If direct amends aren’t possible or safe, consider indirect forms like volunteering or supporting causes that align with your recovery values.
4. Build Self-Awareness Through Reflection
To truly accept your past, you need to understand the patterns, emotions, and triggers that led you there. Spend time reflecting on your thoughts and actions. Keep a journal to track your feelings, especially when you’re reminded of your mistakes. Ask yourself questions like: “What was I feeling when I made that choice?” or “What need was I trying to meet?” Becoming more self-aware helps you understand the root causes of your behavior, so you can break the cycle and prevent similar mistakes in the future.
5. Focus on Growth, Not Perfection
Recovery is not about becoming a perfect person—it’s about becoming a better one. Accept that growth is a lifelong process. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small it feels. When you slip up or feel overwhelmed by your past, remind yourself that you’re no longer the person you were. You’re taking steps to change, and that’s something to be proud of. Use your past as a lesson, not a life sentence, and channel your energy into building a healthier, more fulfilling future.
Final Thoughts
Accepting past wrongdoings is one of the most challenging yet liberating parts of recovery. It requires self-honesty, compassion, and a commitment to growth. Remember that you are not your mistakes—they are a part of your story, but they don’t define you. By practicing these strategies and working on becoming more self-aware, you can release the weight of your past and move forward with strength and purpose. You’ve got this.
Letting Go of the Past: A Guide for Recovered Addicts
As someone who has walked the road of recovery, I know how heavy the weight of our past can feel. The guilt, shame, regret, and memories of our actions during active addiction can seem impossible to release. But I promise you, letting go is possible. It takes time, effort, and a willingness to embrace change, but the freedom on the other side is worth it. Here, I’ll share practical steps and examples to release the grip of our past and let go of the defects of character that may still hold us back.
Releasing the Weight of Our Past
It’s easy to stay trapped in the mistakes we’ve made, but doing so only keeps us stuck. Here are 10 ways we can begin to release the weight of our past:
- Make Amends Where Possible: Reach out to those you’ve hurt, directly or indirectly, and take responsibility for your actions. For example, if you lied to someone you love, apologize sincerely and let them know how committed you are to earning back their trust.
- Accept That You Can’t Change the Past: Acknowledge that no matter how much you regret your actions, the past cannot be undone. For instance, instead of replaying an argument in your head, focus on how you’ll respond differently in the future.
- Forgive Yourself: Self-forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing your behavior, but it means letting go of self-punishment. For example, write a letter to yourself expressing forgiveness for the mistakes you’ve made.
- Share Your Story: Talk about your struggles with others in recovery. Sharing your experiences, even the painful ones, can help you release their hold on you. For instance, at a support group meeting, talk about a moment you feel ashamed of and what you’ve learned from it.
- Focus on the Present: Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in today instead of living in the past. For example, when old memories resurface, take a deep breath and focus on what’s around you—what you see, hear, and feel in the moment.
- Journal Your Thoughts and Feelings: Writing can help you process and release lingering emotions. For example, journal about a specific incident from your past, and then write about how you’re working toward change.
- Engage in Service: Helping others can shift your focus from the guilt of your past to the positive impact you can have now. For instance, volunteer at a local shelter or mentor someone new to recovery.
- Seek Professional Support: A therapist or counselor can help you work through unresolved past issues. For example, they can guide you through trauma or teach you strategies to cope with past regrets.
- Practice Gratitude: Focus on what you have now, rather than what you’ve lost. For example, start a daily gratitude journal and list three things you’re thankful for each day.
- Commit to Growth: Understand that your past doesn’t define you. For instance, enroll in a class, start a new hobby, or work toward a personal goal that reflects the person you’re becoming.
Letting Go of Defects of Character
As we continue on our recovery journey, we also face the challenge of addressing the defects of character that contributed to our struggles. These are the habits, behaviors, and thought patterns that no longer serve us. Here are 10 detailed ways to begin letting go of these defects:
- Identify Your Defects: Take an honest inventory of yourself. For example, if you realize you struggle with pride, acknowledge it and reflect on how it has affected your relationships.
- Pray or Meditate for Guidance: If spirituality plays a role in your recovery, ask for the strength to change. For instance, spend time each morning in prayer or meditation, focusing on releasing a specific defect.
- Practice Humility: Humility allows us to admit we need help. For example, ask someone you trust for feedback on your behavior and be open to their perspective.
- Work the Steps: If you’re following a 12-step program, lean into steps 6 and 7, where you become ready to let go of defects and ask for them to be removed. For instance, reflect on how a defect like anger has impacted your life and ask for the willingness to let it go.
- Replace Negative Behaviors with Positive Ones: For example, if you tend to gossip, make a conscious effort to speak kindly about others instead.
- Practice Self-Awareness: Notice when a defect arises in your thoughts or actions. For instance, if you catch yourself being impatient, take a moment to pause and respond differently.
- Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Let go of the idea that you must change overnight. For example, if you notice you’ve been more patient this week than last, acknowledge and celebrate that growth.
- Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Spend time with those who encourage your growth. For instance, lean on your sponsor or accountability partner when struggling with a defect like dishonesty.
- Commit to Daily Reflection: At the end of each day, reflect on how you handled situations and whether your defects played a role. For example, if you acted out of jealousy, consider how you’ll approach similar situations differently tomorrow.
- Be Patient with Yourself: Change takes time. For instance, if you’ve struggled with procrastination for years, don’t expect to overcome it in a week. Focus on small, consistent steps forward.
Final Thoughts
Letting go of the past and our defects of character is not easy, but it’s an essential part of recovery and becoming the best version of ourselves. Remember, this is a process, not an event. Be kind to yourself, stay committed to growth, and trust that you are capable of lasting change. You are not defined by your past or your flaws—you are defined by the person you choose to become today.